Do you know how copper wire was invented?
Two [ ] fighting over a penny.
-Mike
[b] From a passenger ship one can just barely see a bearded man on a small island in the distance who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
“Who is that?” a passenger asked a passing steward.
“I’ve no idea. But every year when we pass by, he goes nuts.” [/b]
WHY BROKERS MAKE MORE MONEY
Now, for the first time we have a rigid Mathematical proof that explains why this is in fact true.
Postulate 1: Knowledge is power.
Postulate 2: Time is money.
As every Engineer knows, Work / Time = Power
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have Work / Money = Knowledge
Solving for Money, we get: Work / Knowledge = Money Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero,
Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.
A client bought a new home and the broker wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”.
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new home”.
I told my wife this one and she laughed so hard she had tears.
Tg
[b]As PROPERTY manager of single-family residences, I was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions: “Professionally employed?”
“We’re a military family,” the wife answered. “Children?” “Yes, nine and twelve,” she told me proudly.
“Animals?” “Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.” [/b]
By the time you pay off a house in the suburbs, it isn’t. :cool
I took dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors:
green,
red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look
and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he
sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?” Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one. And in classic
style he did not bat an eye in his response. “Got drunk once and had
sex
with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”
This was so funny - Maybe Office Max will do it again next year!
Still think this is one of the better REI jokes out there:
Do you know how copper wire was invented?Two [j***] fighting over a penny.
Translation:
If you’re not buying on the cheap…you’re screwed.
-Mike
P.S. Did like yrush’s.
I’m a newbie here … Good to know that people here have a great sense of humor … :biggrin Keep it up guys … :smile
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
[b]“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.[/b] :cool
RETIREMENT PLANNING FOR 2008
If you had purchased $1000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta ! Air Lin es stock you would have $36.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, You would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It’s called the 401-Keg Plan. :beer
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. ‘I may look like just an ordinary man,’ he said to her, ‘but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.’
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men. :beer
Sorry I did not see the humor in that video? :huh
After the close on April 17th…that’s when Etrade announces their 1st quarter results…
As you’ve probably noticed they’ve been saturating the airwaves trying to drum up new business after approaching skid row earlier this year.
I’m pulling for them…I like their ease of entry into global markets.
In the meantime:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJqnitjqpuM
-Mike
Here’s one that wasn’t intended as a real estate joke, but quite relevant for today.
I think my dad co-wrote that book…
Keith
LOL, Keith! True - the other co-author was MY dad!