Please Comment on My Ad Copy

I’m planning a postcard campaign and could use some honest criticism, please. Which one would you go with and why? Would you recommend any changes? What do you think of postcards? Anything else? Thank you.

Option 1:
I Want to Buy Your Apartment Building

Small private investor looking for 8-20 unit apartment buildings.

I’m honest, well funded, and willing to work quickly. No realtor needed.

Call Jeff at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email details to abcxyz@

Option 2:
Problem Apartment Building?

Tired of finding tenants and fixing leaky faucets?

Let us help you solve your problem.

Any condition.

We can close as quickly as you want! No realtor needed.

Please call us at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email details to abcxyz@

Option 3:

We Buy Apartment Buildings

If you own an apartment building and are interested in selling your property fast without using a real estate broker,

Please call Jeff at xxx-xxx-xxxx or email details to abcxyz@

Second option is the best of the three. The first one is definitely is out… Your ad copy should not be about you, it should be about them and what they benefit from contacting you. Your title should grab their attention.

Tired of finding tenants and fixing leaky faucets?
Imagine waking up tomorrow and not having to deal or worry about tenants anymore!
We buy apartment buildings in any condition, CALL (555)-123-4567 Right Now

if you are using a postcard then i would recommend doing mail merge also and making it more personable.

I am assuming that you are using a small postcard 4x6.

You really have to figure what that market’s biggest pain is. You have to get inside the mind of the customer.

You mention no realtor but what does that mean?

“since there is no realtor involve there are no commissions to pay”

What keeps them awake at night, indigestion boiling up to their esophagus, eyes open, staring at the ceiling?

what about the “finding tenants and fixing leaky faucest” comment… what are the benefits there.

If they have a hard time finding tenants that means there are vacant units, leaky faucest means repairs… state that

“If you have units that are vacant or tenants not paying you rent that’s ok too”

“It would not be a problem if your property needs repairs, i can close on the property and make the repairs after”

You need to identify what their biggest motivation would be to sell.

create a list of the benefits that they would achieve by doing business with you and include those in your copy.

Don’t be afraid to fill up the card with a ton of copy. weave a story and make them believe that you have singled them out and want to speak with them"

Remember you are not selling the purchase … you are selling them on calling you … that is all… (or recorded message if that is what you are using)

Also, you need to decide if you are going to do a 1step vs 2 step approach. With a postcard usually is best to go with a two step approach. Either they are calling for a free report or calling to get more information so that you can sell them on calling and working with you (via 24 hour recorded message)

— a few things to consider ----

-personalization helps to increase the response
-addressing possible issues that your prospect may have. If you are wanting to buy something at a discount then perhaps an apartment building with deferred maintenance and/or bad tenants would be ideal and so you need to state that.
-letting them know that you are also looking at other properties means that if they are interested then they would need to act quickly (sense of urgency)
-weave a story and make it interesting … you only have 2-3 seconds for them to decide if your card goes on the desk or the trash
-use 15-16 pt for the headline -use 11pt for the body and fill the card with copy…dont be afraid to use all of the space you can
-test test test … split your mail into two or three batches - depending on the number of pieces so that you can test them against each other

I would recommend dan kennedy’s ultimate sales letter book (amazon) if you want to get a quick education on writing better copy and marketing. Of course you can spend more money but that is a quick and cheap way to start. If you wanted something meatier the i would recommend craig garber’s seductive selling system… (google it)… well worth the price.

narrow your list down and try and select the best candidates… zero in on exactly the type of seller that is most likely candidate for your offer.

often your success weighs more heavily on the list and less on the marketing.

cris chico

You should split test and let the market determine what is the best copy (response rates don’t lie)…

I’d like to see you put in some more work into the headline—it needs to not only grab attention, but build interest…If your headline fails, it doesn’t matter how compelling your copy is—it’s not going to be read.

Here is a couple off the top of my head to get your juices flowing:

  • Tired Of Being a Landlord? I’ll Purchase Your Headache Regardless Of Condition in X days!

  • If You Like Being A Landlord, Then This Offer Isn’t For You


Scott Miller

I think that for 8-20 units investors usually hire a management company. Thus, your #2 option wouldn’t appeal to them.
I like neither one, you state the features but don’t explain the benefits.

I asssume you are referring to my suggestions…

Headlines are meant to grab attention and copy is designed to educate and inform (as you put it “explain the benefits”)—my comments were pertaining to headlines only.

Why don’t you offer up headline examples that better “state the features and explain the benefits”?


Scott Miller

Maybe a lot do and maybe a lot are managing their own and everything is going well for them, neither of these types of owners are going to call. They have a property that works for them and aren’t going to be motivated to sell and if they do sell it will be on their time table, on their terms and for retail. This is a worthless lead to investors anyway so that’s irrellevant, we’re hoping for the desperate gotta sell type that need out YESTERDAY. It’s targeted toward the people that DON’T like being a landlord.

Thanks so much for all of your responses. I completely agree that I have to focus on the owner and not on me and what I want. I guess it’s just easier to write about myself.

It’s interesting to see the two schools of thought regarding density of the copy – either a few bullets or a full blown dissertation describing each benefit in detail. I know a lot of experience shows that high density copy works best. It’s always defied my intuition since you only have a few seconds to grab someone’s attention. You guys have given me a lot to think about, research, and test.

Not to completely state the obvious, but because banks initially demand positive cash flow, it’s harder to find commercial owners in trouble than for SFR’s. For many, the cash flow becomes so thin they can’t afford a management company. Others, like me, prefer to self-manage their local properties. Then there are the out-of-state owners. These are the wild cards since they don’t always know what’s going on and are at the mercy of their manager’s abilities and communication skills. It all doesn’t matter since I’m not sure there is a reliable way to separate professionally managed from owner managed properties in a mailing list anyway. Initially, I’ll market to everyone and evaluate the responses form there.

As a former retail store owner, I do know that consistency with direct mail is key. I was thinking of mailing on the 5th of each month – just after most mortgage payments are due and when tenants become late. Nervous time for landlords. What do you guys think?

Lastly, Chrischico, what 1 step or 2 step process are you writing about?

Thanks again.


I suggest you get a copy of Dan Kennedy’s book “Ultimate Sales letter” from your local public library.

Was thinking with a little more copy used on a post card, this just might get someones attention.

John $Cash$ Locke

How humbling, $Cash$. Here I am, thinking of buying paperstock, some stamps, and printing postcards on my inkjet printer. Your idea couldn’t look any higher quality or more professional.

Any idea what a postcard campaign of this quality would cost per thousand (i.e. the mailing list, four color printing, postage, etc.)? Thanks.



Lest I forget, thank you for your very kind words.

Let’s start out with the maximum size of the card.

First-Class Mail® Postcards ($0.26 each)
Maximum size: 6 inches long by 4-1/4 inches high. This maximum size would be the size I would choose to start with or size it to you can get 4 cards to a 8 1/2 x 11 sheet.

Find some Photo Quality Cardstock (this is key to have), the photo quality side is only on the side you want the photo on, the other address side could have a matte finish and is not as important as I would not use color on that side, just B/W printing.

You can print the card on an inkjet printer, just use Best Quality when printing, I do not know what printer you have, but this should be pretty standard on inkjets.

The reason I suggest doing it this way is because advertising is Test, Test, Test and until you find what generates the most leads you will be testing. The cards will be impressive even done this way because of the message and quality of the photo. So in essence when just getting started keep your mailing down to maybe 100 cards per mailing or less.

If you are going to direct mail think a “campaign” of sending out first mailing, in 2 weeks second mailing in 4 weeks third mailing.

It’s called dripping… drip… drip… drip… the first card sent out you are a stranger, the second card, I’ve seen this before and by the third mailing you should be old friends and they will call.

All this is based on how strong your copy is, when I did the card I posted it was done after reading what others were saying. I thought what would I say in my mailing to landlords and came up with the card shown.

As far as a list goes, is there a Landlords Association, maybe drive by areas you are interested in as that seeing it for yourself may give you some clues as how motivated a landlord would be.

Doing it this way will get you started with a minimum investment and give you the opportunity to fine tune your system.

John $Cash$ Locke

PS: This is a great site to pick up some tips on copy writing