How does this sound?

What do you all think of this 24hr. phone message? I am always looking for ways to improve so any comments would be extremely valuable.


Feel free to email your response or leave it on the voicemail. Thanks in advance for your input. Have a great day!


Sounds pretty good. You might want to modify the “Emergency” to something other form of wording. Maybe substitue with something to the effect of “If you must absolutely sell your house TODAY! then press 2. …”

sounded pretty good …a little forced and your second line you make like a half sentance about two payments an then start a question…Just a suggestion. write a script revise it say it until its memorized then you will feel comforatable saying it no stutters no long pause no half “theses problems may consist of two mortgage payments” then you almost continue your sentence with another problem but start a whole new sentence as a question…Also just a thought a buisness name might sound more professional or saying we are investors…

Hope this helped some…

Blessings and good luck


Thank you all for the replys! These are great comments.


I’ve been trained to pick up the phone or they may go to the next investor.

However, it does sound as though your doing a practice read through. Too monotone. Not enough intonation.

Too much background echo/buzz. It almost sounds like you did it on speaker phone. I’m not sure how to improve the quality there. Just thought I’d mention it.

I think it’s important that if you are going to rely on a message that it needs the same qualities of long sales copy. It needs to pull the reader along. Instead of words and textual emphasis, you need to paint pictures in the mind and use intonation to emphasize. Once you get this written, find someone in the neighborhood who always wanted to be in show biz and has a nice voice and sings their words. Someone who always has peoples attention when they talk. See if they might record it.

Headlines and pain are still relevant here. As you go down your reasons for them to stay on the line, keep asking your self “so what?”. When you’ve finally boiled down the responses you will have found the true benefit and that’s what you need to communicate.

“I can close in 2 days”

So what?

“That means you can move in 2 days”

So what?

“Well, you get this monkey off your back”

So what?

“The creditors won’t be calling anymore”

Oh, thanks for reminding me.

That’s what I do to when writing sales copy for a web page. I list a bunch of features and then do the SWAT (so what) test on them and distribute them down the page pulling the reader along.

OK, I’m not an expert but I read a book on it and try to put it in practice

Thanks again for the replys. Great input!