How do I get my spouse involved

General Real Estate Investing
1

I need some no nonsense advice (from someone who had the same issue) to put my wife over the top with getting involved in my new vocation of real estate investment.

Some background:

I am about to retire from the Coast Guard after 23 years of service.

I go on terminal leave in July (with pay till October) and want to land my first deal between that time and October.

Full Active Duty pay is going to abruptly come to a halt in October.

Wife is a RN working part time in an ER. Won’t do full time and does it just to keep some extra cash on hand. I don’t have any problem with that.

I long for her to be passionate about this venture as I have been wanting to be for the last ten years and for our future. Now we have the opportunity to realize our financial goals together, but she seems to be sitting on the sidelines? Maybe it’s only because she hasn’t seen any results yet.

Is this what it will take or is there something else I can show or tell her that will put her on “our” team fully? Yes, she has given approval, but as a by-stander in my opinion.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Tim in Pensacola, FL

2

when she sees that 1st, 2nd and 3rd check for your work as an investor maybe she’ll change her tune. then again, maybe not. ;D

3

It’s hard to make someone be passionate about the same things we are. But the fact that she at least approves of you doing it is a lot more than some spouses. I would be happy for now, and maybe once the deals start coming, she will be a little more interested.

By the way, this is just an opinion. I am single…and my ex wouldn’t approve of anything for any reason LOL. Be happy yours is ok with it. Best of luck with your investing.

Regards, Tony.

4

First, Tim, thank you for your service to our country! I am retired Army.

My wife was VERY skeptical at first…but, I talked her through my plan and she was supportive but not “engaged”…kinda like the “involved” and “committed” breakfast analogy (if you don’t know the analogy, readers, let me know!).

Well, we bought the first one and we got started. I started her with stuff that she had done before…mostly painting. She is now “committed”!

Some “secrets”:

(1) Treat her as your partner and your equal.

(2) Tell her what you are doing and why.

(3) Involve her in the decision process(es).

(4) Tell her that you love her.

(5) Seek her advice.

(6) Treat her as a partner, not as an employee.

(7) Teach her to do new things.

(8) Tell her that you love her.

(9) Leverage her strengths, work on her weaknesses.

(10) Give her some time off – don’t slave drive.

(11) At the end of each project, treat her to something that she likes or likes to do. Suck it up and take her to the ballet.

(12) Tell her that you love her – even when she is sweaty and covered with paint, caulk, and primer.

Keith

5

I truly agree, I too am just starting out. My wonderful wife has been through alot with me, some have been total catastrohies.
I have not purchased any thing as yet, but I am working on a 60+ acre property looking to subdivide and sell outright.

I agree with let her in on every step you make.
Keep her in all your descisions, ask he opinion and , above all Listen
to them.
Tell her you Love her.
Once they see you are committed,and not to be committed.
Tell here you lOVE her. Oh did I say that.
That is because it truly is the main point. This type of business is extreemy stressfull, you will both bneed to rely on all your strenths.
My wife will al least listen and give her opinions, but allow me room to descide.
Good fortune to you
[s][/s]

6

Take her to your local REI club meeting.
Hopefully the inspiring stories she will hear will help put a fire in her belly.

:wink:

Bruce

7

my situation was opposite of yours as I am the wife who wanted to get my husband involved. he too was sceptical. after my first purchase, (we made $12,000. literally overnight…most of you laugh but to me that was awsome and more importantly it was awsom to him) after that he kept sayin hey lets drive the neighborhood. that was always my pastime and he until then he thought i was crazy! it has now been almost 2 yrs. he’s involved but i still havn’t convinced him that i should quit my REAL job yet. lol. by the way i tell him all the time that i love him and couldn’t do it w/out him. also he’s seen me get my hands dirty and i’ve earned his respect. she’ll come around but one important question i always asked myself and i think it is the most important question…worst case senario could this property ever hurt my family? if the answer is yes or maybe…walk away no matter how exciting it looks. i’m a risk taker thats what makes it so much fun but don’t risk your family’s financial well being. maybe if she knows that she’ll feel secure enough to hop on board!

8

My husband was also the one who was skeptical, our first property we made 70K in about 2 months. As I didn’t (and still don’t) know a lot about rehabbing I had it hired out that took a lot of stress out of it for us and Now he is the one out looking for deals.

9

Keith…that was an excellent post.

10

My wife was skeptical going into our first deal. She jokingly asked that if she agreed, could she have a new (and expensive) handbag purchased with some of the profits? I said yes! and she agreed to go ahead and give RE investing a try. (Now I’ve just got to make the money and buy her the handbag!)

11

<<She jokingly asked that if she agreed, could she have a new (and expensive) handbag purchased with some of the profits? >>

Are you married to my wife, too?? LOL

This is what my wife asks for after each rehab…except once and that was Cole-Hahn shoes…it’s well worth it, though, 'cause she works hard!

Keith

12

Keith -

Very impressive list. All 12 hit it on the head.

realtnt-

I too have just started my venture (5 month now). Although my wife didn’t understand exactly what the plan was, I try to keep her in the loop. Letting her know she won’t need to work anymore has helped ;D.
I’ve really tried to look at it as a way for us to spend more time together. I already work as an engineer for 9 hours a day. Coming home and working 4-5 more hours on REI can make it tough if she’s not involved. She doesn’t thoroughly enjoy reading but we worked out a deal that she would read Rich Dad Poor Dad to better understand why I’m doing what I’m doing. She does LOVE the internet. So I’ve turned her attention to a few of the forums out there. She’s coming along. But as with any marriage, it’s give and take. Always seem like more give than take, but it works.

Are you willing to walk away from REI if she doesn’t “come around?”