Does this suck?

I’m fully aware that I could embarrass myself by demonstrating my copy writing skills to everyone, but you guys/girls are hear to help right? I wanted to post a craigslist add to try and build my buyers list, so this is what I came up with. It didn’t take me to long (as some might guess) but I always think it’s best to throw something together and then go back and refine.

Be Kind…

I know what it's like looking for investment houses, it can be very frustrating to say the least. It takes a lot of effort and time to effectively locate properties that will meet our strict criteria over and over again.

If you want to concentrate on your rehab or your rental property without having to worry about locating your next project, send me an email. I will do all the heavy searching and hand you ready made leads. All you have to do is send me an email with what you are looking for…

What part of Morris County are you interested in?
Do you handle short sales?
How quickly can you close?
Are you looking for rentals or rehabs?
Single Family Homes or Multi-plexes?

Contact me ASAP as I can only handle so many buyers.

I may already have located the property that meets your criteria. Contact me Now!

Hey Scott,

Not a bad start :slight_smile:

One thing you will notice that few will respond because they will not take the time to fillout the answers to the criterias you are asking for. I would simplify it by asking for what type of properties they are looking for and price range. Once you get an email, you can go back and forth to get the rest of the information.

Now as the letter goes, I would tweak it little more… I am just swagging it here but…

"If you have been looking for great deals like I have, then you know how difficult it is to find them. I have decided to concentrate on finding the deals rather than rehabbing or renting them myself because I honestly don’t have the time.

But for me to make my marketing more effective, I need to know what my buyers are looking for and I need you to reply to this email right away and tell me the area of town and price range you are looking for. Thats all I need to know for now.

Typically the deals I find are highly discounted and have great cashflow potential, so you will like what I find.

I’m sure you know that there aren’t that many deals out there… so if you want to get first dips on them, email me right away to put you on the top of the list. First come, first serve.


P.S. It really won’t cost you a dime… if you like the deal, you buy it. if not, skip it

P.P.S I need to know what you are looking for and your price range to better target my marketing and find you great deals

P.P.P.S. bla bla bla"

I don’t know… just an idea… the things I wanted to emphasize:

  1. Establish an emotional bond by having the same difficulties as they are
  2. Explain to them why I am doing it
  3. Give them a reason to reply right away
  4. Let them know they are great deals
  5. Repeat the offer and call to action
  6. Multiple P.S.

Make sure you have a subject line that will not be marked as spam, and makes them want to read more to open it and read it.

Thanks for taking the time to critique my ad Fadi. I can see how your tweaks will pull someone in. I’ll see what I can work up from your suggestions. Thanks again.

You’re giving away too much in the ad

better to keep it very short and tempt them into clicking a link that leads to a lead capture page where you get their name and email and offer something in return

after passing the capture page you can lead them to more info at your website.

don’t spill your guts in the CL ad. Tease them.

I like the first come first serve. However the first part around the fact that “there aren’t that many deals out there” didn’t ring true for me. Sounded inconsistent with all the news everybody is getting that there are a ton of deals out there. I would probably say something like - I am sure you know there are many deals out there… and the best ones are snapped quickly by the savy investors… (something like this…).

I never click on a link from someone I don’t trust. So this approach would not work for an investor like me. Even here in the forum I only click on the links from the few people that have been around for awhile. If you get other people like me, this would not work…

Hope this helps. Good luck!


well yes and no. First, in your marketing you need to dramatize things. Second, I haven’t seen many investors finding more deals than before. Either way, I much rather dramatize it. Tony Robins said “Our desire to avoid pain out weighs our desire for happyness”, I am sure I butchered it but you get the point :slight_smile:

Would you go down to a dealership to check a car out that you only got a picture of and no other information, or would you go buy one that you got list of features to die for?

I tried to sell my car on Craigslist… I figured anyone who wanted to own a BMW would know everything about it, so I threw pictures of it and some basic information. Hardly any calls.
I went back and created a new post… same pictures, but this time I took a dump of all the features it had from the BMW site. I had so many replies and sold it in a week.

Besides, there wasn’t really much said in that post to turn them off. I too don’t click on any link unless there is an extremely compelling reason for me to do so, so short ads don’t work for me.

fadi - I do get your point. Actually I had to think about the quote for a few minutes to understand it. :O) Thank you.

Here are my thoughts for what they are worth.

In the past I would always place ads on the sites saying nice home in a nice neighborhood or no credit check or problem credit ok, or even NO MONEY DOWN.

It occured to me that I was like the rest of the flock. Just as the others have posted emotions make people click.

Then I started adding words into title.

Here are some examples:

Wife Says NO SEX until HOME SOLD!
Wife says rent home or else
Stomach hurts of housing pain!

The idea is as stupid as it sounds my HITS and calls have gone up as a result of change.

Now the ad does tie back to the title with the 1st paragraph.

But I am SOLD on this emotion thing.

One of the other ways to get them to open you ad is to have a picture in it. I do a lot of advertising on CL and the ads with pictures get a much better response than those with just verbiage.