Just wondering…is/are divorce or break-ups common among investors. I’m a business minded person and my fiance is not. That’s a problem. I already have one business and he fought me on that all the way too. Any suggestions?
If you have these kind of control issues with your fiance before you are married then I say to you to drop him now!!! Either drop him, or go to counselling or accept that you will not enjoy your married life! Control is the opposite of love and it signals an underlying weakness that will only get worse with years if left unchallenged and unchanged.
No, this is not an issue for investors! It is an issue in life! If he doesn’t trust you, then that is an extreme issue. Do you trust yourself? Also, did you explain this to him before the deals were made? You have to ask yourself if 50 yrs with him is worth the trouble.
He’s just not a risk taker - exactly the opposite of me! Money and debt freak him out!!
Oh, I’m not controlled very easily ;D!
prenump agreement and have him waive any rights he has to any of the properties you aquire.
NC_Ray said it perfectly. “Control is the opposite of love and it signals an underlying weakness that will only get worse with years if left unchallenged and unchanged.”
I lived that life described above for six years with a woman who felt she couldn’t trust or depend on anyone or any thing so her only recourse was to try and control everything. As much as I tried to involve her in the investment property my family owned, she always resisted. She chose not to be a part of things. At the same time if I had to meet with my parents to discuss building matters, she was jealous of the time I would spend with them and accused me of neglecting her. My dear mother-in-law told her on an almost daily basis that since her name wasn’t on the lease, it had nothing to do with her. My mother-in-law also had issues with feeling she could trust or depend on anyone so we know where my ex-wife picked up her point of view.
A person who feels good about themselves has a much greater capacity to love someone else than a person with low self esteem does. A person who feels good about themselves has a much greater capacity to be open and accepting of another person and their views on life even if those views are different from their own. If you like investing in whatever form, then he should at the very least be willing to put his fears aside and learn a little bit about investing as well. Then you would be able to bounce ideas off of and generally brainstorm with this person with which you’ve decided you want to share your life. What could be better than coming home to a person you love who has made an effort to love the things you love so that he/she can share all aspect of your life with you? If you don’t have that now, you most likely won’t have it after the marriage.
You deserve better than someone who makes his fears more important than your wants. Your fiance needs to stand up and become someone worthy of being your future husband. If he doesn’t, please don’t lose sight of the fact that the ball is in your court. Real estate transactions and marriages succeed or fail when the deal is signed. A little more due diligence on your part might be in order.
The more I talk to him about how things work in L/P, the more he feels at ease - although he still doesn’t understand why anyone would rent a house for 12-1500 a month (he has perfect credit) LOL.
I closed a deal yesterday - my very first and it’s a great feeling. This is what I want to do and he’s either willing to deal with it - or not. He’s still aprehensive, but coming around. We’ve been together six years, so I’m aware of why he is the way he is, but I don’t let it cloud my dreams.
He’s a thinker, not a doer. He starts at the beginning and takes baby steps to get where he wants to go. Time is of the essence!
I just do things (sometimes on a whim) to get to where I want to be and deal with whatever comes next tomorrow. I educate myself first, but I still jump in with both feet and run like hell.
He just doesn’t understand how I can do that. Our minds obviously think differently.
Thought a while on your situation and having done some pastoral marriage counseling and having married children and having survived nearly 37 years of marriage (the wife is a saint, not me) I feel somewhat qualified to speak.
Research has shown conclusively that “being together” is no predictor of a happy marriage, in fact, it is more of a predictor of divorce. Marriage, the legal ceremony, changes things. It changes the committment factor, the committment to each other is cemented, but there is the committment to the institution itself. It bothers me that divorce is already on the table and in the vocabulary of the relationship already. It signifies a lessening of committment to the institution. My wife and I haven’t stayed married for 37 years because we always liked each other or even always loved each other, nor because we were always committed to each other (although faithful). We had doubts about each other. But we were always committed to the institution, the marriage. I’ve told my kids and others, “There are going to be times you don’t like one another, or even love one another, but love the marriage, be committed to it, and, in the long run, if you have chosen well, the marriage and the love will thrive.”
My dear, choose well. LOVE WITH YOUR HEART. CHOOSE WITH YOUR HEAD.
The very best to you in love and in your pursuit of your dream - may they become one.
Your situation is somewhat similar to mine. I have known since I was in high school that I wanted to own my own business. My wife is just the opposite. She has known for quite some time that she did not want to work for herself. As a result, we each do what we feel comfortable with. I own half of the company the I work for. She gets her paycheck from someone else twice each month. We started out making abouth the same amount of money when we graduated from college. Now I make a little over twice what she does. She is not interested in my business other than the money that I bring home. It used to bother me that we could not see things the same way, but now I realize that it is just personality types. She will always be the way that she is now and I will won’t ask her to change, but by the same token, she does not ask me to change either. We love each other the way we are and know that getting married does not make you one person. We will have been married 25 years this August and we have not killed each other yet. I guess that I am trying to tell you that just because you do not see things through the same eyes, you can make the marriage work but you do have to work at it.
PS As a side note, I am getting ready to build both a rental property and our personal residence. I was looking at floor plans yesterday to decide what I wanted in the rental property when she started telling me what I need to build in the property. I just used my selective hearing to block out anything that I knew I was not going to do.
Thanks for all your responses! I feel very welcome here
We are glad you feel welcome. I do not know how my marriage has lasted 29 years as of May 15, 2005. When I first started Brokering in 1977 I would tell the little woman about the $90,000 commission I would be splitting with my Broker and she would get all excited. After that deal fell apart I would tell her about the $50,000 check I will be getting. None of these ever went thru and she got tired of hearing about all the deals. Fast forward till today with the ups and downs of investing for us and I am making a third comeback. This time it is for good. This forum and the networking and contacts has helped greatly to leapfrog me into success. The sky is the limit. My beautiful wife helps some with the business, colors, room layout, design, other stuff like that but for the most part stays at home and cares for our home and family. Financial problems are the main reason for divorce and we have had mucho of those. Hopefully we will not argue about what to do with our new soon to be acquired wealth which is just starting to unfold as planned. I am for sure more ready to take risks while she is more conservative. Some how it works. I tell her most of the time after the fact about the deal I just did and she just goes along. We have been broke and almost homeless many times so what do we have to lose. I have finally learned to buy right or not at all. Without cash flow you have nothing but a headache that may go up in value over the next 10 years but will eventually circle around and be hard to sell again
Thats all for now. Probably too much anyway LOL
Great story, Ted! It’s nice to know I’m not the only one!!! LOL
Money is a MAJOR “fight factor” in my life with my other half. In fact, just got off the phone arguing about it about 5 minutes ago >:( …SSDD!
Woman to woman, Scorpion, although you’ve been with this man for awhile, I think you aught to think about either a pre-nup as someone suggested, OR just ditch him completely. A man who feels intimidated by his woman’s intelligence and the ability to make more money than himself, just ain’t worth having. He’ll always act like a child and cause you to be distracted in a RE deal that may cost you thousands. I’d walk away now while I’m still single, OR stash a large amount of your RE holdings in a safety net in case you still decide to get married down the road hoping he’ll change, and will need the money after the divorce. WORD OF ADVICE: A lepard never changes their spots! 8)