bank loans

How do I get a loan for a house w/ money in my pocket to fix it up and no closing costs?

Find a lender that does rehab loans and ask the seller to pay your closing costs (that is common in my market).

If your buying a house you can’t do that all at once. Yes you can ask the seller to pay for the closing costs or if they won’t you can ask them to raise the purchase price. Provided you have enough equity in the house your purchasing you apply for a heloc after closing. Not many banks will loan with at least one year seasoning, but their are banks that will lend.