I’m continuing to pay cash for rentals, fix them up (as required) and lease them out one by one. All is going superbly well.
Anyway — I got a call from a potential renter today. She asked if I was an “individual” or a “company”…ha! I’ve already learned that translates to “are you going to do a background check on me, I hope not, as you probably will find something you don’t like?”. So of course I said “a company”…and she said “oooooh”.
She was inquiring about a low income rental that I had, and I informed her it was leased but another one will be coming up shortly. That got her excited. This new place I just purchased (from a gal who fixed it up and saved me the time) has ceramic tile, 6" crown molding, plush carpet, a custom paint job, new EVERYTHING (A/C system, blower/heater upstairs, GFCI outlets, wiring, etc) – this is a certified pimp palace in a neighborhood that probably has pimps. It’ll rent real quick.
She went on to tell me that she has lots of evictions on her record, and asked if that was a problem. Well, I asked her if any were recent — and she said yeah — RIGHT NOW she is in the process of being evicted. Oh, and she also informed me she is suing her landlord for not taking care of the property good enough. Holy !#^$%# — does she actually think I would let her move into one of my properties?? Haha!!
I informed her that any recent evictions would disqualify her from moving into one of our properties…but she turned around and offered to prepay six months of rent + a deposit. No thanks — I told her. She will be a problem for any landlord, if not now, six months later.
At least she was up front about it and saved me the time of denying her application. LOL!
Then there’s also the ones who seem nice enough when you meet them. Then you run a check and find out you run out of fingers and toes to count the misdemeanors and felonies on…
At least she was honest about something.
You should take a deposit for six months of rent, not take six months of prepaid rent. If you have to evict them you can take as much of the six months deposit to get the house back to perfect as you want, but the judge will make you give all of the prepaid rent that they don’t use back. You are just a holding account for their money.
Me: “I am the property manager” (please do not ask me if you can rip out walls, get a free refrigerator, get a free leaf blower, live for free one month, lower the rent, put in a pet door….blah blah blah)
Applicant: “Well I have bad credit. Does that matter?”
Me: “Nah…I’m violently rich, I just like changing out water heaters with rat sh*t falling in my face. Sometimes I can’t decide whether I would rather visit my Caribbean island via my private jet, or fix all of the cabinets and doors that a minimum wage chain smoking drug addict drunk screwed up during their last tenancy.”
Applicant: “Well I need to move. The sooner the better.”
Me: “Well since you are wrongly the victim of a misunderstanding with your current landlord, let me put all of my net worth, financial security and retirement on the line so that you get a second chance with your deadbeat lifestyle.”
Applicant: “Do you accept pets?”
Me: “Only if they are snarling pit bulls who will kill all of the neighborhood children in a tragic misunderstanding similar to the one you are having with your current landlord….that greedy rich bastard!”
Good ones, Funder and Motivated CEO! You guys made me laugh.
And it just keeps reinforcing why I like my middle-to-upper class worker tenants. They pay the rent, even if their snooty wanna-be trophy wives are sometimes a pain in the rear.
I’ve spent a lot of time talking to people on the phone to see if they are qualified, but it can be a lot of my time.
The last year or so, I have been using a prescreening card on my craigslist ads which get e-mailed to me throughthe craigslist coded e-mail. It makes it easy to decide if the prospect is worth any time before talking to them.
jklein - what is this prescreening card? Never heard or seen it. Thanks.
The last year or so, I have been using a prescreening card on my craigslist ads which get e-mailed to me throughthe craigslist coded e-mail. It makes it easy to decide if the prospect is worth any time before talking to them.
Here’s the other side of the coin from my potential tenants, direct quotes:
“If I am going to rent from you, I have to tell you that I am a very high-class person.”
YES, YOU ARE. I MUST HAVE BEEN CONFUSED.
“Don’t bother to e-mail me again about your units until you have one with a Bowflex and computer for me.”
THE STAFF FALLS TO THE GROUND ROLLING WITH LAUGHTER. THEY WANTED TO E-MAIL HIM BACK THAT WE NOW HAD A UNIT WITH ELECTRICITY.
“My car is brand-new so I will need underground parking.” THERE IS NO UNDERGROUND PARKING WITHIN 400 MILES OF HERE. THERE IS HOWEVER A BIG DRAINAGE DITCH YOU MAY USE.
“I am used to a high standard of living, if you know what that means.”
OBVIOUSLY I AM A LOW-LIFE.
“My wife needs a unit in a gated community so she doesn’t have to drive past any bad areas when she goes to the grocery store.” YOU WILL BE VERY HUNGRY.
“I need a unit in a quiet, safe, area. Within walking distance to the college but with no airport noise or train noise.” THIS POTENTIAL COLLEGE PROFESSOR WAS UNAWARE THAT OUR COLLEGE IS LOCATED AT THE AIRPORT NEXT TO THE TRAIN TRACKS. IT IS OTHERWISE QUIET EXCEPT FOR SATURDAY NIGHT GUNSHOTS, TRAIN WHISTLES, AND JET TAKE-OFFS.
“I am from Texas so I am used to a lot of square footage. This unit is the size of my closet at home.”
“The pizza cutter broke. Can you deliver another one right now?”
Seems like my management experience at work should prepare me well for handling tenants.
The copier’s out of paper.
Susan won’t turn her music down.
Can I clock in and go get something to eat?
I didn’t know that clocking in late counted as a tardy!