Need feedback on pre-foreclosure letter

This is my first ““Pre-foreclosure Letter”” to a homeowner. I need some feedback. e.g Should I refer to my client as an investor or a homebuyer? And was I right about the ““boosting your credit”” line?

Here it is:

[insert homeowner name]
[insert homeowner address]
[insert homeowner city, state, zip code]

[insert today’s date]

Dear [insert homeowner name],

My name is Darnell Jackson and I represent an investor that is interested in purchasing your home before it goes into foreclosure. Over 115,000 people entered some stage of the foreclosure process just last month, so believe me when I say ‘you’re not alone in this’. As a matter of fact, I was in the same position around this time last year. So I know exactly what you’re going through, and I would like to help by making an offer on my client’s behalf that would payoff your current mortgage (boosting your credit score) and put some money in your pockets at the same time.

I am not a real estate agent and you wouldn’t be responsible for paying any fees, commissions or closing costs. The investor pays everyone, including you. This is my job and my passion. I help good people out of difficult situations by advising them of all of their options and helping them make the best out of an unfortunate state of affairs.

As you may already know, having a foreclosure on your credit history can cause a lot of problems not only now, but also well into the future. I think that we can work together to avoid that. My associates and I will also work to help you find a new home, again at no cost to you.

If you feel like you’re out of options, don’t give up until you know exactly what options you have. There may be some that you haven’t explored. Whatever you do, don’t sit around and do nothing. That’s what I did when I thought I was out of options, and I regret it everyday.

If you decide you want to take action, please feel free to call me at anytime. My door is always open, and I look forward to us working together to get you through this difficult time quickly and easily.

Sincerely,

A couple of things to consider. Are you a broker? If you are offering to work out a deal between the homeowner and an investor you may be in violation of some states laws if you don’t have a broker’s license. Check on the laws in your state. I know a lot of people like to use the term “help” in the letters. Let’s be honest, you want to make money. It can be a win-win situation for both of you, but you are not doing this out of the kindness of your heart. You are in a for-profit business. Were you really in their same position last year? If so, maybe that will help them relate to you. If not, you are comprimising your integrity…a big mistake to your business. Also, they may think why should they listen to someone that made the same mistakes they did. Any letter is better than no letter so give it a try and see what responses you get. You have everything to gain by getting started with something. Best of luck.

You should also post this in the marketing forum, most letters and marketing materials are posted there and generally receive quite a bit of feedback.

Wholesaling is not in violation of any state laws and you don’t need any license.

Your letter is good Hurri, the best part about it and why it will work is that is it personal. Most investors send ridiculous ads like, WE BUY HOUSES, CASH!, STOP FORECLOSURE TODAY!, etc. Very impersonal and cheesy. If your ads “talk” to the individual reading, listening or watching they are much more likely to respond vs. “WE BUY HOUSES!” which is like shouting to a crowd of people hoping someone will step forward with their very embarassing situation.

Also you didn’t use any real estate jargon, another good thing. The fastest way to make the homeowner not trust you is to confuse them with words they don’t understand. It’s not perfect grammtically which is another good thing. Spelling errors are bad but not having perfect english makes it more like your speaking to the reader.